Ask Britta - Wedding Wisdom

Wedding Tips: Fashion

Bridesmaid Dresses

It’s a long tradition that one of the benefits of being a bride is the chance to dress your closest friends in the ugliest clothes possible. I mean, what better way to look good than to surround yourself with girls who look terrible? Now, however, being a beautiful swan surrounded by ugly ducklings has gone the way of teal, magenta, and leg warmers (though apparently those are making a comeback.) These days, all the hip brides realize that dressing their maids in cute dresses just looks, well, classy. After all, inviting someone to be a part of your bridal party is supposed to be a way of honoring them, not a passive-aggressive attempt to get revenge for the time your BFF asked out that hot guy you had a crush on after she totally promised to leave him alone.  So if you don’t want your 5 best friends (not to mention brand new sister-in-law) to hate you, here are some useful tips:

1) Remember the golden rule: do not do unto others as you would not have them do unto you. Translation. If you wouldn’t wear it, don’t make your bridesmaids wear it. Sure, everyone has a different fashion sense—you might be into sleek mod, while your sister likes floaty blouses, but there are some fashion lines that just shouldn’t be crossed. Like mutton sleeves. Or oversized bows on the back. Or taffeta anything  (unless your bridesmaids are under ten, in which case they should probably be your flower girls). We all know that different dress styles flatter different body types, but there are some dress types that flatter no one. And the high-necked, poofy-sleeved, drop-waist layered ruffle gown you had in mind is one of them. If the dress you choose makes even your skinny-mini cousin look like a heifer, it’s time to reconsider. Also, unless you’re 17 and getting married on prom night, don’t make your girls wear prom dresses. Nothing’s more humiliating then walking down the aisle at 26 in a dress you thought looked too immature at 16. One way to eliminate off-limits dresses is try them on yourself. If you look in the mirror and shudder, your friends will probably do the same. It doesn’t have to be your favorite dress in the world, but it should be one they can wear without wearing a paper bag over their head.    

2) Pick something they can wear again. Maybe your inner ballerina has always wanted to walk down the aisle preceded by girls in lemon-colored tutus, but before you start ordering yards of netting, think about when, or where, they could ever wear these dresses again. Chances are, if they’re not in ballet class, the answer is never. (And no, costume party or ugly bridesmaid dress competition don’t count as other places they can wear them.) Practical and reusable doesn’t mean they have to wear khaki pants and a sweater set, but there are lots great options for dresses that look good in wedding photos but don’t scream bridesmaid. For example, a black cocktail dress is a wardrobe essential and still looks elegant next to your white dress.

If you’re worried about matching your wedding colors, you could add removable accessories, such as sashes, pins, and flowers to coordinate. If your colors are champagne and pink, what could be more sophisticated than girls in little black dresses with satin champagne sashes and pink bouquets? This is especially great option if your colors look better on the wall than on your friends. If tangerine and neon lime are your wedding colors, navy dresses with alternating green and orange sashes and bouquets. Neutral colors like black, deep brown, navy, and beige are all-purpose and can complement any sort color scheme. If your heart is set on putting the girls in sage, or ruby, or whatever your colors are, then consider the cut of the dress. A lavender floor-length mermaid gown (think Julia Roberts in “My Best Friend’s Wedding) is as bridesmaid as you can get, but think about the same lavender shade on a tea dress, and suddenly your girls will have a dress they’ll be happy to wear to any garden party.

Separates are a great way to go. Your bridesmaids may not wear a floor-length burgundy silk halter gown again, but they might wear a burgundy silk skirt with a black wrap shirt to a fancy Christmas party. You can get matching tops and bottoms, which basically look like a dress, or you can mix it up. Think pink taffeta skirts with cute white tank tops for an outdoor wedding, or a gold spaghetti strap tank with a bias cut black silk skirt for your evening wedding at the Ritz.

3) Dress for success. If you have lots of bridesmaids in different shapes and sizes, try to dress to the largest common denominator. That is, find a style that’s flattering to your largest maid, and work back from there. Your friend who’s a model will look good in anything, so make sure that all your maids will be comfortable and have a chance to look cute. That might mean nixing the mini halter top dresses, but remember, happy and relaxed maids look better in pictures than those stuffed into tight dresses. Lest you forget, they ARE your friends, and you want them to look good and enjoy themselves. Empire waist styles and A-line dresses are two good options that look good on everyone, and cap sleeves provide some coverage while still looking cute. 

4) Mix-n-match. Of course, you can take the Stepford bridesmaid look too far. We recently attended a wedding where the maid of honor was 7 months pregnant. And in her honor, the bride put all the other attendants in maternity gowns. While the maid of honor glowed, the other girls all glowered. Nothing puts a damper on flirting with the groomsmen than having to explain that you’re not actually pregnant. In this case, it would have been better for the bride to pick two styles, or even have the girls each pick their own dress, using the same fabric to unite the look. This is also great if your maids are radically different sizes, or have radically different fashion senses. This way, your college roommate can wear a slinky spaghetti strap gown and your sister can wear a prim tea dress, and no one gets hurt. Besides specifying color, you can also set general guidelines, e.g. hem length, or formality level, to help your maids pick out dresses that match with your setting.

Another option is to mix up color. If your maids have different coloring, they don’t all look good in the same shades. So if yellow is your color, have them wear the same dress or same fabric, but let them choose shades of yellow from butter to gold. Not only does this keep them happy, but it’s a tasteful way to add a little bit of flair to your wedding party. Likewise, if your colors are chocolate brown and baby blue, have some of the maids in chocolate, and some in blue. Separates in matching fabric can also help your maids feel comfortable while maintain the same look. This way, they’re all in, say,  matching A-line skirts, your friend can show off her great collarbones in a halter top, while your more demure cousin might something less revealing.

5) Watch the bottom line: You’re spending 4,000 dollars on your couture gown, so it’s not unreasonable to ask your maids to pony up a measly 500 bucks for those to-die-for lime green silk ball gowns, right? Wrong. Remember, it’s your wedding, not theirs. While they want to support you on your big day, that means generally emotionally, not financially. Keep in mind besides the dress, they’re shelling out for shoes, hairstyling, make-up, not to mention shower, bachelorette party, and gift(s). Let’s face it honey, you’re not cheap. As friends of yours, they should be willing to splurge, after all, it’s not like you get married every day, but unless they’re made of money, you should be reasonable. $100-$200 is a good price range for dresses. Of course, no one’s going to complain if you score those cute J Crew minis for $60 on the bargain rack. But if your heart’s set on a $300 gold Vera Wang strapless, have an honest heart to heart with your girls. Maybe they’re all investment bankers, and drop that much on martinis at happy hour every day. If so, go ahead and splurge. Chances are they’ll be delighted with your haute taste. But if not, you should be willing to compromise: maybe there’s a gold halter at Macy’s for $150 that’ll do the trick. And if you feel your whole wedding would be ruined, then you could offer to offset some of the cost yourself, or perhaps forgo wedding or shower presents if your maids get the dress.

Also, be mindful of income discrepancies between your maids. Maybe they’re all successful lawyers, except your kid sister who’s still in college. In that case, try to either cater to your friend with the least disposable cash, or offer to help her out a little (like if she buys the dress, you’ll throw in the shoes). Just be discrete about it. Finally, if you have a friend who you really want to be there with you, but you know she doesn’t have the time, money, or temperament for being a bridesmaid, you can include her in other ways too. Think usherette, wedding book attendant, or poem-reader.